I’ve recently entered the brainstorming stage of my next book. It’s a fun, crazy time. Sometimes my mood is rainbows. Sometimes it’s angst. Right now my mood wants lists (as it often does), so here you go: a step-by-step guide to plotting a book. All you writers out there, this is for you. You’re welcome.
1. Find the most inconvenient time/place. Showers are good. Cars, too. Lying in bed, comfortable, mostly asleep? Perfect.
2. Think about something else.
3. Bolt of lightning crashes above you, singeing little bits of your hair as it sizzles past. Geez, that was close.
4. You’ve got it! THE idea! (By the way, you’re brilliant. Good job.)
5. Ignore it or write it down? Debate the options. Decide to wait. You are wet/busy steering/warm and comfortable. The idea can hold…Can’t it?
6. Suddenly remember the last time you told yourself that. Disgraced and petulant, that particular World’s Best Idea slunk away, never to return again. The only things you remember about it are that it had something to do with the letter ‘R’ and it felt like perfection on a milkshake. So, yeah, not helpful.
7. Curse your memory. Curse the timing of lightning. Curse the notepad, which always parts ways with the pen you were certain you put it next to. Curse writing. Who invented it, anyway? It’s their fault you’re even in this mess.
8. Find both the pen and the notebook. Finally.
9. The pen even works. It’s a miracle. Celebrate.
10. But not too long, because ideas have an expiration date, and this one’s nearing it.
11. Grab a towel/pull off the road/sit up in the dark.
12. Write. Begin to feel giddy. This is the best idea ever! Ooh! And there’s a nice subplot! And a turning point! The first? Second? Whatever. You’ll figure it out.
13. Maybe later, though, since you ARE naked and freezing and hogging the bathroom/getting honked at/burning under the glare of a grumbly spouse who JUST WANTS YOU TO TURN OUT THE LIGHT ALREADY. These people do not understand the joys of writing, poor things. They deserve your pity.
14. There’s no time for pity. You have an idea to write. Get back to work.
15. When you are satisfied, stash the notebook and pen and resume your mundane, non-writing task, all the while planning time to type in those pages and further flesh out your idea before you a) forget what you meant by “arrow moonbeam swirl” and b) forget how to read your own handwriting.
16. Repeat process until book is outlined. Then repeat throughout the writing phase. And revisions. And after you turn in your revisions. And basically until you start a new book. And maybe even a little after that.
BONUS STEP: Later, when you are visiting an elementary school, describing your writing process, an earnest third grader will ask you where your ideas come from. A few good answers may cross your mind: Wal*Mart, the newspapers, dreams. But ultimately you will find yourself telling the truth: “Bad timing. My best ideas come from the worst timing.”
@Shallee — Thanks! I had a feeling I wasn’t the only who went through these steps. 😀
@Alyssa — I hope those moments ended up being worth it. Sometimes they are what can make a book, aren’t they?
@Cynthia — Nothing like it, is there? (Though I do wonder if, say, painters wake up with ideas for new ways to mix colors or depict birds flying or whatever. They must, right?)
Oh my gawd, this is so true! I love it. 🙂
Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it! (And glad I’m not the only one who goes through this…)
I’m real good with steps 1 – 10. The handwriting part becomes a problem. I can’t read my scribbles. I could dictate into a tape recorder (those ancient devices) or turn on my laptop. But since I’m usually in the shower or driving or ready to fall asleep, it’s highly unlikely that I’ll do anything except suds up, floor the gas, or burrow down under the covers.
Plot? Bah! I’m a pantser. (Which is why I never get past the first draft stage.)
Funny post.
LOL! I have the same problem. My handwriting is horrible. It’s why I keep a note-taking program on my phone. Then I just order Siri to write down my thoughts. It’s like having a personal (if robotic) secretary. Of course, it doesn’t work so well in the shower, though!
Oh my goodness, I know you posted this ages ago, but I somehow missed it until now. Obsessed. Such good advice–and so true!
Thank you! Glad you liked it. And, uh, yeah…I should probably blog more often. I can’t help it; Twitter and Instagram just so fun, and they use all my social networking time.
These are great. 🙂 Ah, a writer and plotting. I do most of my writing on my computer, but I prefer a notebook for planning things out.
Thanks, Medeia! I’m with you, too. I write on my computer, but notebooks are great for planning and brainstorming. There’s something about using a pen and paper that gets the thoughts flowing in a different way.
My best ideas come to me when I’m in a tea shop. Over a cup of English Breakfast and toasted teacakes. Works every time!!
That sounds lovely, Karen! And I agree — a lot of my best scenes have unfurled at our local coffee shop/bakery, over a nice bagel and hot chocolate. (Okay, slightly different menus, probably depending on country of origin, but the idea is still the same! :-D)
Hilarious post Caryn! 🙂 Loved it!
Thank you, Vanessa! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 🙂