Oatmeal: It’s explosive.
1) Carefully read instructions on oatmeal packet. This time you will do it right. For once, breakfast won’t end in messy defeat.
2) Stir together milk and oatmeal.
3) Set microwave according to directions. Hide pre-victory grin. Whistle. Exude confidence.
4) Watch oatmeal spin on tray, ready to halt all cooking at first sign of boilage. Squint a little. Hold breath. Fear overflow, despite yourself.
5) Stir and check status. (Answer: Oat flakes drifting in warmish milk soup.)
6) Another minute in microwave.
7) Still floaty dry oats + milk. This could take a while.
8) Set microwave for one more minute. It’s still raw, and barely lukewarm. You’re totally safe.
9) Go set table. Take your time. Swagger a little.
10) Saunter back to microwave, spoon in hand, poised to stir.
11) Open microwave door. Discover that, in your absence, your impending meal became an oatmeal volcano, spouting thick, gloppy, magma-esque mess all over clean microwave tray.
12) Congratulations! Your oatmeal is hot and (mostly) cooked. So is the tray beneath. Blow on breakfast. Wait for it to cool so you can finally eat it.
13) Clean-up time. Soak bowl for sixteen hours. Chisel cemented cereal off bottom of microwave. Try not to swear.
14) Vow to use water instead of milk next time, though tasteless paste isn’t your preferred dining choice.
15) Scribble “Buy bigger bowl” on shopping list. Amend to “Much, much bigger.” Underline. Add exclamation point.
16) Or there’s always toast. Toast is safe. Usually.
Your turn – what’s something you repeatedly attempt, even though you know it will lead to your ultimate doom? Talk an elderly relative through way-too-techy computer issues? Jump into NaNoWriMo with the threat of Thanksgiving (and all those pies you have to bake) hanging over your head? Make coffee in that complicated machine in the break room? Sew pants? Come on! Make me feel better. Spill it. (Yeah. Spill. You and my oatmeal…)
LOL! That’s awful…awfully funny. 🙂
I dumped a bag of flour all over my kitchen a while back. I’m STILL finding flour dust. Urgh.
Oh, no! That sounds SO messy! No wonder you’re still finding flour everywhere. That stuff can really travel. I bet it took forever to clean up.
This is why I always make instant grits in a medium size mixing bowl. I like the portion sizes of the bags and the ease — but I got tired of cleaning out the microwave. I like to keep adding water and cooking them longer so they soften more. Don’t usually have as much trouble with oatmeal though. But regardless, that cup has to sit with water in it in the sink for hours.
I haven’t tried to make grits before, but I can see why they would have the same trouble. You’re lucky you don’t have oatmeal troubles, though I hear you on soaking the bowl for hours afterward.
Too funny! What great pacing in the telling! My personal opinion? It’s the milk. Every time I do something in the microwave with milk, it ends up all over the place. Tea and milk. Big puddle. Eggs and milk. Exploded brains. Milk + microwave= mess every time.
LOL! I think you’re right. Water seems to have the structural integrity to stay inside (or at least above the bowl) when microwaving. (Witness: mac & cheese) Milk just gets so hyper and can’t stay still. Next thing you know, out of the bowl it goes. And as you pointed out, making brains with exploded brains is the worst. Huge cleanup every time.
lol Caryn you must have got some vibes after you left my site.
I have been cooking oatmeal in the microwave for at least three months now and on two occasions or perhaps more it’s overflowed. What a mess.
I call it oats, and said to hubby I feel like a horse eating this stuff. I have high, or had, high Cholesterol but after having oats for three months it has dropped fom 8.1 to 6.9. Blood test this week and I find out if it has dropped further.
Never thought good o’l oats could do that. I mean lower Cholesterol oh and turn cement hard. lol.. soak for sixteen hours. lol…
Good luck with your blood test! I’ve heard oatmeal can lower cholesterol. The grains are really good for your digestion, too. Eat up! 🙂
Yikes!! No fun at all!
I can be very prone to disasters – I’ve thrown out 2 or 3 pans & pots because one thing or another didn’t quite work out as planned. In one infamous fudge disaster, I couldn’t even get my candy thermometer out of the mess & had to pitch it too 🙂
Oh, no! No pan, no thermometer, and no consolation fudge to eat after the disaster? Awful! Poor thing.
I finally figured out the oatmeal thing too. *knock on wood*
That’s fantastic! Must have taken lots of practice. Just don’t buy a new microwave, whatever you do! I had it worked out with the old one, but our new one is impossible.
Boy, a picture tells a 1000 words. I’ve done the oatmeal thing a time or two. My problem? Making bread in the desert. It always turns into a hard lump. I finally watched it and realized I need to add more water…but not too much…learned that the hard way too!
Yes! I’ve had the same issue. I think some recipes are written for towns at sea level, where it’s not only more humid but also a lower elevation. I’ve made a few rock-had loaves of bread and pans of brownies in my time – especially when living at 9,000 feet and 3% humidity.
I have had the same experience with oatmeal! The last time I used a very large bowl. It only took 3 times as much time for cleanup as it did to eat the small amount left in the bowl.
Ha ha! That sounds about right. And yay for finally having a post that gets you to de-lurk and comment! 😀
I have had that experience too. Cleaning up spilt oatmeal is a pain!
Agreed! Probably one reason I don’t make it as often as I probably should.
I’ve SO done this! 🙂 Not only are you scrambling to get breakfast together, but now you’ve got to clean the microwave too. I’ve gotten better at watching the oatmeal as it’s cooking in hopes of preventing said mess. 😀
Yes! Exactly! I try to keep an eye on my oatmeal, but it seems like I always get called away, just at that crucial moment (usually by the toddler who was counting on eating said oatmeal).