In retrospect, the fertilizer might not have been a good idea. Over the last few weeks, this summer’s garden plot has become a very scary place. We’ve been overrun by groping vines and in-your-face leaves. Melon sprawl and wall-to-wall carrot carnage. Sweet pea forests. Six-pound marbled orange beefsteaks. Eggplants that grow like Pinocchio’s nose, expanding by the second.
The only thing that’s not getting any bigger is the size of our garden space.
A specimen from yesterday, pulled up with both hands. In case you thought I was exaggerating. But then, you know me. I never, ever exaggerate.
Give me strength. I fear I may not make it out alive the next time I venture in. Yesterday I barely escaped, stumbling onto the safety of the back patio with just a fistful of dirt-clotted weeds and most of my sanity. Today? Who knows. The lettuce is looking feisty, and the cucumbers have come of age. We may have a real fight on our hands.
Still, someone has to prune the pumpkins before the patch infests the neighborhood, so I’m going in. Soon as I re-tie my shoelaces. And adjust my sunglasses. And gas up the chainsaw. And any other delay tactics I can think of while still looking brave and unhesitant. I hear pumpkins can smell fear.
If you don’t see me staggering back out of this jungle by Thursday, Husqvarna in one hand, wide-brimmed hat in the other, shut off the sprinklers and send in the rescue crew. They’ll know what to do.
Oh, and if you’d like to help hack away the foliage, I’d be forever grateful. I hear the garden center has a nice pair of pruning shears they may let you use. I’m a good customer; surely they’ll share. Just sign this waiver right here, and we’ll get started.
Thanks.
P.S. Salad, anyone? There’s a feast for at least forty in here somewhere.
At least it provides you with an adventure every time you venture in? 😛
Caryn, that’s amazing! I’ve never wanted to have a garden — too many bad memories, I suppose. Our North Carolina red clay soil only seemed to grow rocks. As a child, it was my job to use the wheelbarrow to pick up all the rocks I could and haul them out before the planting. So by the time anything began to grow, I never wanted to see that garden again! 🙂
Congratulations on your bumper crop, and stay strong!
Wow! We have a Sharon, Shari, and Sherri, all in a row! Great timing, ladies! 🙂
@Aunt Sharon – I just sent you an email! Thank you for the birds! Sunshine LOVES them!!!
@Shari – Hey, and adventures feed the story-telling machine, don’t they? Plus they’re good for a blog post or two!
@Sherri – No wonder you don’t want a garden! Wow! I’ve actually heard of kids having such a chore, and it sounded awful. You must have been so exhausted and sore every time you had to haul rocks like that. The good thing is that it’s so easy to find a good farmer’s market, so you can still get garden fresh fruit.
That is one BIG carrot!
Hilarious, Caryn 🙂 As for our garden, the cucumbers!!! The cucumbers are relentless here. I wish the plants would magically sprout just enough for dinner instead of choosing two weeks to just blast open the ground. I can’t eat all these vegetables. I don’t even have enough friends to eat all these vegetables. It’s good to have someone who understands 🙂
Hope you got some of the overgrowth cleared out. Sounds like a mammoth job.
I can not believe the size of that carrot. I’m sure you’ll love to eat all of those delicious vegetables.
That carrot is HUGE! Your veggies all sound wonderful. It was nice to meet you on Joy’s blog.
Okay, this post made me laugh and get hungry! Ah, the travails of a great growing season–and you didn’t grow any zucchini did you? Every year in Boise we have zucchini terrorist attacks with drive by throwing of huge bags of zucchinis into yards by our so-called friends.
That’s a humungous carrot!! I wish I had a green thumb. My dream is to have my own state-of-the-art greenhouse one day. Best of luck on your pumpkin patch 🙂