Considering a career change? Need a job for a character in your next novel? No need to ask an actual person for his or her job description. Just watch movies. According to Hollywood, here’s what a variety of different jobs entail:
Subway/Train Conductor:
Look horrified while pulling ineffectively at the brakes.
Random Politician:
Gaze sternly into camera.
Pound podium.
Spray spittle and vitriol.
President of the United States:
Fly around in helicopters.
Make grave speeches.
Walk in step with perky young aide.
Inspire.
Reporter:
Go undercover.
Research life-or-death stories spouse/editor/creepy anonymous voice on the phone told you not to touch.
Fall in love with source.
Newspaper Editor:
Yell.
Throw things.
Surreptitiously print exposé up-and-coming reporter wrote, printed, handed to you, then asked you not to run. Declare it their best work yet.
Movie Director:
Holler “Cut!” and, on occasion, “Action!”
Motel/Convenience Store Clerk:
Shrug in bored fashion when someone shoves a photo under your nose and asks, “Have you seen this person?”
Judge:
Adjust robes.
Frown at witnesses.
Shout “Order!” and “Overruled!” at random intervals.
Pound gavel.
Taxi Driver:
Cruise streets without picking anyone up.
Honk.
Make witty banter while chasing another car or racing toward the airport.
Glance at passengers in rear-view mirror. Make bug eyes when you see what they’re doing back there.
Goon:
Run awkwardly.
Kick kneecaps.
Get shot.
Mob Boss:
Eat spaghetti.
Scowl.
Casually order multiple murders.
Examine well-buffed fingernails.
Psychiatrists: plant false ideas into people’s minds
Spy: Jump out of moving vehicles and travel the world under false identities
Advertisers: glamorously present ideas in meetings.
Teehee–this is fun!
LOL! Great list! Cops in movies always get in turf wars. Does that help?
HILARIOUS!!!!!! And I can’t stop laughing at Sonya’s comment!
Hmm, unfortunately I think I am most qualified for “goon”. That must be related to the Star Trek-esque:
Red Shirt:
stand at attention
have great hair cut
follow commands to go into dark, unknown places with way too much enthusiasm
get shot/eaten by alien
🙂
@Hart – Glad you enjoyed it! I’ve had a great time reading everyone’s responses. I’m going to have to do something like this again soon. Loved your ideas here, too!
@Vicki – So true! I love cop/detective stories, but I can’t help wondering if anything about them is accurate.
@Christina – Happy you liked it! And I thought Sonya’s comment was hilarious, too.
@Faith – Your comment made me laugh out loud. Hilarious!! Totally makes me think of the movie Galaxy Quest.
Baseball executive
– listen to the stats guy
– only attend your team’s games when you want to break their winning streak
– hate losing
– look good, even when your hair is uncombed
Great post!
I didn’t come up with any but I had the best time reading all the comments! (Got some great character ideas)
I always get weird looks from people when I tell them I have a degree in fashion design and all I’m wearing is cut-off jeans and a t-shirt.
95% of the population doesn’t shop at the high end market, which means there has to be designers to make clothes that the rest of us can afford and will want to wear.
Ha! Caryn and, well, everyone,
Really enjoyed this piece and ALL of the comments. I think I need to go to the movies more. The last one I did see (or re-see as it’s an oldie) made me want to be a ballerina, ‘cuz then I’d get to: look awesome in a leotard while dripping with sweat, twist my body into unbelievable shapes as I frolicked to unbelievable music, and have a passionate, torrid affair with a young M. Baryshnikov-type. Not a bad way to make a living!
Picture Book Author
You have an idea for a book.
Everyone thinks it’s wonderful.
You write the story, with just a bit of fiddling.
The first editor you send it to thinks it’s wonderful too.
No revisions are needed.
Six months later, a box of beautiful books arrive.