Considering a career change? Need a job for a character in your next novel? No need to ask an actual person for his or her job description. Just watch movies. According to Hollywood, here’s what a variety of different jobs entail:
Subway/Train Conductor:
Look horrified while pulling ineffectively at the brakes.
Random Politician:
Gaze sternly into camera.
Pound podium.
Spray spittle and vitriol.
President of the United States:
Fly around in helicopters.
Make grave speeches.
Walk in step with perky young aide.
Inspire.
Reporter:
Go undercover.
Research life-or-death stories spouse/editor/creepy anonymous voice on the phone told you not to touch.
Fall in love with source.
Newspaper Editor:
Yell.
Throw things.
Surreptitiously print exposé up-and-coming reporter wrote, printed, handed to you, then asked you not to run. Declare it their best work yet.
Movie Director:
Holler “Cut!” and, on occasion, “Action!”
Motel/Convenience Store Clerk:
Shrug in bored fashion when someone shoves a photo under your nose and asks, “Have you seen this person?”
Judge:
Adjust robes.
Frown at witnesses.
Shout “Order!” and “Overruled!” at random intervals.
Pound gavel.
Taxi Driver:
Cruise streets without picking anyone up.
Honk.
Make witty banter while chasing another car or racing toward the airport.
Glance at passengers in rear-view mirror. Make bug eyes when you see what they’re doing back there.
Goon:
Run awkwardly.
Kick kneecaps.
Get shot.
Mob Boss:
Eat spaghetti.
Scowl.
Casually order multiple murders.
Examine well-buffed fingernails.
These are really funny! I just love the ones in the comments as well.
Wow, I didn’t realize just how many job opportunities are open to me. I could be a goon. With all the punch-bag kicking I’ve been doing lately, I’ve got the kneecap kick down to a T. Okay, maybe my kicks tend to fall a little higher, but it still takes the guy down. 😉
Therapist:
Nod while appearing to listen intently.
Ask “how did that make you feel” during any pause in dialogue.
Have a disastrous and scandalous personal life.
@Clarissa – I’m loving the comments, too! They’re so funny!
@Stina – Yeah, you’re definitely missing out! It’s kind of funny to picture you as a goon, though. Could be fun. Well, other than the getting-shot part.
@Jen – I LOVE it! So funny and so perfect!
What a fun post! I have learned a lot from watching movies, too.
Waitresses: stressed out, emotional baggage, running late for work all the time, write down order, go to kitchen and break down
Secretary:
File nails, type on computer, talk on phone, pretend to work when you are not
There are so many endless possibilities to this one- I just have had a blast thinking about it! Thanks for sharing! I know all jobs are harder than they seem- and I was a waitress for a long time and I worked in an office as a secretary. 🙂
I love this!
Policeman/woman:
Refer to citizen as “Ma’am” or “Sir”
After pulling someone over, simply state, “License and registration.”
Then, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
When reading someone their rights, all you have to say is, “You have the right to remain silent.” The rest apparently doesn’t matter.
You guys are hilarious!
Scientist:
Look into microscope.
Go bug-eyed at what you see.
Drink the contents of a beaker
Morph into a new super hero/villain.
You cracked me up. How about college professor who falls in love with a graduate student.
Meetings over books in the library stacks.
Eating back to back at adjoining tables at the food quad.
Office hours WITH locked door.
Failing student so as not to suggest favoritism.
@Jess – LOL! I can totally picture these! And I so agree – movies make certain jobs look so much easier than they really are. (Take it from a former teacher!)
@Shelley – Ha ha! Exactly! The last line made me chuckle out loud.
@Janet – Hilarious! Would fit so many movies, and not just recent ones.
@Leslie – We were posting at the same time! And I groaned at your college professor examples – in a good way! I can’t see any actual professor getting away with these things, yet the movies show it all the time.