“Just…one?” The hostess eyes me, a long sweeping look, as if trying to figure out what’s wrong with me that I have to eat out alone.
I used to answer, “Yep!” with a smile, all peppy and bright and for God’s sake don’t look at me like that, I have lots of friends, I’m fine, I’m great. Or I’d hold up my notebook or stack of papers, maybe even a pen, and explain self-consciously, “I have stuff to get done. Had to get out of the house. You know how it is.” All the while, I would cringe at my urge to lower my eyes, to explain, to make jolly and nice.
Over the last year, though, I have decided that it is Not Their Business if I decide to take myself out to lunch. Not the hostess who tacks on “just” and a judgmental pause before the “one”. Not the waiter who snootily asks me if I’ll need another water glass and menu, or if it’s just (there’s that word again, as if I’m not enough) me. Not the couple in the corner, who eyed me and whispered when I took my booth alone.
It may be immunity born of necessity – the more there is to do at home, the stronger my need to go elsewhere in order to be loose and creative and writerly. Or perhaps this confidence comes from motherhood. When you’ve had too little sleep, and you’ve changed and laundered hundreds of diapers, and you’ve contorted your face into this many silly poses just to make an infant laugh, well, eating alone isn’t such a big deal. Or it could be the realization that it’s just food. It’s eating. You do it three times a day, and often alone in your kitchen or dining room or in front of your TV or at your desk at work. A restaurant is just another place to do it. No different from going to the library or the bank alone, only, you know, with food.
Mostly, though, there’s the comfort of my writing. It is so nice to work on it again, and if it means I have to put up with an occasional smirk or up-and-down glance in order to enjoy a little quality time with a notebook and a bowl of pasta, well, so be it. I’m not alone, anyway. I have my imagination and the characters I’ve created. Together we make a whole crowd.
I learned to eat alone while in college…. of course, it was much easier then. I always had that stack of books or notes to look at. Haven’t done it much since then.
The one thing I like to do alone though – see a movie. I’d like for there to be no friend beside me whispering what they think is going to happen or asking “What did I miss while in the bathroom?” but I can’t seem to get over the stigma of being alone at the movies :-/
I know EXACTLY what you mean! I can do the eating out thing if I have something to do, but I can only go alone to a movie if I am in another city and it’s a matinee. So weird, since you mostly sit there side-by-side in silence anyway, so it’s not like you need anyone else with you. Still, it does feel too weird.
I ate lunch alone once, but it was so uncomfortable that I haven’t done it since. Have people always stared so much and so hard (like they’re trying to read your mind) and I just never noticed before? LOL
Anyway, at least you were able to get some writing done.
It’s definitely an acquired taste (no pun intended). I think if I didn’t need to get stuff done and eat at the same time, I never would do it. But there is something to be said for getting out of the house for a while. And having something to do helps. That way you look busy. Much better than looking around at everyone while you’re eating.
I’ve eaten alone a couple times, and I love it! I have 3 young children, so it doesn’t happen often that I’m alone. 🙂 I remember before having kids feeling sad for other patrons in restaurants who were eating alone until one day my husband asked me, “What if they want to be alone?” Hmmm…. That was definitely food for thought for me. Enjoy!!!
Having a baby definitely makes a little me time more important. And I love your husband’s point. Sometimes it really is nice to be alone in a crowded place.
First of all–thanks for your sweet comment on my blog. . .I’m glad you enjoyed the photos of my two favorite girls.
Secondly, I am another eat-a-loner. After many humongous life events, I ran out of “big girl panties” with which to “get over it” last year and had a moment. . .actually several months of moments. During that time, I would take myself to lunch ALONE during the school day. I’m a teacher–so I have to put on a happy face for lots of people all day long. Going to lunch alone (I got the sweet schedule with lunch and planning combined last year) every so often was a way to recharge my own battery.
Plus, I could salt the chips all I wanted.
I LOVE eating out alone. I will probably be going to try the new sushi joint by myself soon… 🙂
I don’t eat out and write, but I know many writers who do. Allison Brennan is notorious for it. At least she was. Not sure if her new house with the new office changed that.
If anyone has a problem with it, then it’s their problem, not yours.
Caryn, I don’t think our culture is geared toward valuing alone time. We’re supposed to be relentlessly social…and, to me, that gets really draining. I’m glad you like to do your writing elsewhere sometimes. I believe a change of environment can help us rethink our stories. As does not having to be the one to cook our meal or to clean it up! 🙂
@Roxanne – I used to be a teacher, so I know exactly what you’re talking about with needing a bit of a break – and with the fun of combining prep with lunch.
@Katie – And yesterday I was thinking that *I* might go to a particular pizza place alone next time. 🙂 Enjoy your sushi!
@Edie – Fancy new office or not, I’d probably still get away from time to time, if only to escape the lure of the internet.
@Marilyn – I totally agree! I wonder if solitude is considered more acceptable in other cultures. Oh, and not having to cook or clean up are worth the stares alone, not even counting how much work you can get done when you’re away from home and on your own.
Thanks for the encouraging comment on my blog!
Eating alone for moms is a way to guarantee you’ll get a hot meal (while it’s still hot) and/or get to finish it! 😉
I’ll have to try better places, though! On days when my youngest is in his “Mom’s Time Out,” I’ll often take the laptop to a coffee shop or Panera–I eat alone and write but no one has to seat me or offer me a menu! I need to step things up a bit!
I’ve never been to a restaurant and eaten alone. I get uncomfortable even thinking about it! But I can take my laptop and plant myself in a coffee shop all by myself. I guess it’s because I’m doing something that makes me feel totally okay with it.