I bought a tub of cottage cheese the other day, which means my weight loss plan finally has a chance of working. I never would have made the connection, except the other night hubby and I were in a restaurant and, while I was trying to decide which delectably greasy item to order, guilt nudged me toward the “On the Lite Side”(sic) portion of the menu. You know, all that heart-healthy, tasteless crap they dish up just so they can say they cater to everyone. It was there that I saw the key to effortless weight loss. It’s a trick that all restaurants seem to know, yet women’s magazines still have not picked up on: eat cottage cheese. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, according to menus across the country, one scoop of cottage cheese is all you need in order to stay healthy and lose weight, no matter what accompanies those blessed curds. And the good news is, all restaurant diet plates come with it, so you’ll never be without this magic gut-shrinking agent. And to think, you’ve been lied to all this time: Dieting is not about the portion size, the fat content, or even those now-meaningless calories (or kilocalories for those sticklers out there).
Skeptical? Itching for more specific proof than “every restaurant’s doing it”? Fine, then. Just witness this listing under the diet section of the restaurant menu mentioned above: ½ lb. ground top sirloin with a side of peaches and cottage cheese. And, no, I swear to you I’m not making this up. In fact, I just called the restaurant to verify, in case it was actually supposed to read “Mixed salad greens tossed in a light vinaigrette dressing, accompanied by a side of steamed broccoli and a dish of low fat cottage cheese”.
Since all evidence points to syrupy canned peaches, and we all know a whopping ½ lb. serving of beef doesn’t fit into traditional heart-healthy parameters, it must be the cottage cheese that makes this dinner choice “lite”. Which is the reason I had no worries about the contents of my plate at a family barbeque I attended on Saturday. All I had to do was add a spoonful of the miraculous side dish, and I could eat whatever I wanted. In fact, when I weighed myself that night, I had actually lost weight. It’s a miracle.
My kind of diet: Cheeseburger, baked beans, brownie and, of course, cottage cheese (which makes it all good for me).
Gosh, and I always thought the miracle ingredient was grapefruit! As in “I’ll have the 4-cheese lasagna, with a tossed salad with extra thousand island and a large chocolate milkshake. Oh, and I am on a diet, so I will have half a grapefruit for dessert.” Now that you mention it, however, I love that ‘Heart N Healthy’ section on the menu. Gives us endless conversation over dinner. Without cottage cheese.
This is brilliant! How could I not have realized?
I see a cookbook in your future!
(And my plate would have been lighter on the burger, heavier on the brownie.) 🙂
Love it! 😉 The brownie looks delicious. 🙂
Five brownies = five servings of cottage cheese
Baby vomit.
That’s all I’m saying.
I have to confess I could not eat what is on your plate… I think I would skip food all together… 😉
I don’t think I’ve ever eaten cottage cheese. I can’t remember even one instance of it! Guess I know what my problem’s been all these years now. Thanks for solving the mystery, Caryn!
I had to laugh at the above comment, baby vomit. Geeish.
But dieting is out for me, it always has been. The new problem now is Cholesterol. Keeping out the fat, although my body makes it, it is so damn hard not to eat products containing the No, no substance. No cakes, no fatty food, less cheese, or no cheese, no mexican, no eggs ( now that is a newy as I thought 1 egg a week was good) No processed food…It’s no nothing.
I’m doomed. lol…
Any chance of losing weight by walking down the grocery store aisle with cottage on it?