I bought a tub of cottage cheese the other day, which means my weight loss plan finally has a chance of working. I never would have made the connection, except the other night hubby and I were in a restaurant and, while I was trying to decide which delectably greasy item to order, guilt nudged me toward the “On the Lite Side”(sic) portion of the menu. You know, all that heart-healthy, tasteless crap they dish up just so they can say they cater to everyone. It was there that I saw the key to effortless weight loss. It’s a trick that all restaurants seem to know, yet women’s magazines still have not picked up on: eat cottage cheese. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, according to menus across the country, one scoop of cottage cheese is all you need in order to stay healthy and lose weight, no matter what accompanies those blessed curds. And the good news is, all restaurant diet plates come with it, so you’ll never be without this magic gut-shrinking agent. And to think, you’ve been lied to all this time: Dieting is not about the portion size, the fat content, or even those now-meaningless calories (or kilocalories for those sticklers out there).
Skeptical? Itching for more specific proof than “every restaurant’s doing it”? Fine, then. Just witness this listing under the diet section of the restaurant menu mentioned above: ½ lb. ground top sirloin with a side of peaches and cottage cheese. And, no, I swear to you I’m not making this up. In fact, I just called the restaurant to verify, in case it was actually supposed to read “Mixed salad greens tossed in a light vinaigrette dressing, accompanied by a side of steamed broccoli and a dish of low fat cottage cheese”.
Since all evidence points to syrupy canned peaches, and we all know a whopping ½ lb. serving of beef doesn’t fit into traditional heart-healthy parameters, it must be the cottage cheese that makes this dinner choice “lite”. Which is the reason I had no worries about the contents of my plate at a family barbeque I attended on Saturday. All I had to do was add a spoonful of the miraculous side dish, and I could eat whatever I wanted. In fact, when I weighed myself that night, I had actually lost weight. It’s a miracle.
My kind of diet: Cheeseburger, baked beans, brownie and, of course, cottage cheese (which makes it all good for me).
I think you are on to something there. I have seen the megahuge burger patty, canned peach and cottage cheese diet plate in a number of restaurants over the years. I like it because it’s high protein and I like cottage cheese; but it certainly isn’t diet!
LOL! I think someone in the restaurant biz has stumbled across a stash of women’s mags from the seventies. 😀
Angie
And to think I thought grapefruit was the magic ingredient!
Lol 🙂 I ate a ton of cottage cheese and ramen noodles in college (cuz they were cheap) so I can’t eat either anymore!
Hahahah!
That’s awesome.
xox
@Writtenwyrd – I know! No complaints if your goal isn’t weight loss…
@Angie – You know, it is a pretty old-fashioned restaurant. Wonder when they last updated their menus – other than the prices, of course!
@Stacy – So sorry to disillusion you, dear. Now you know…
@Katie – Ugh! I can’t even think about Ramen noodles, and I graduated from college years ago! I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to eat them again. You’re right, though; they are definitely easy on the pocket book.
@Heidikins – Thanks!
Hilarious, Caryn! And reminds me of when my mom-in-law tried the hot sauce diet: take a tablespoon of hot sauce before every meal and eat what you want. She lost a ton of weight because she’s allergic to chilis and her throat got so sore she didn’t want to eat!
Wow..that plate doesn’t even look appealing. That’d be diet enough for me.
Cottage cheese? Ick. If I ever want t start dieting, I’m doomed. 🙁
Don’t they fry cottage cheese? If not, they should.