I live in a tourist town, which means that in certain seasons we are overrun by camera-toting sightseers intent on packing in as much adventure as their credit cards and cranky kids will allow. From early spring to late fall work hours increase as many businesses close later, grocery stores morph into scary places filled with clots of vacationers and their cockeyed carts, and our favorite restaurants are inundated by sun-stunned visitors escaping the heat. Shortly thereafter I begin to have nightmares in which our house is taken over by unwelcome tourists who feel that we are unreasonable for not letting them wash their Hummers in our backyard.
Whenever possible during these crazy months, hubs and I escape our personal half-acre of paradise to take pictures of other wonders and spend time with someone else’s tourists for a while. Although the scenery’s different, many of the tourists look exactly the same, as we’ve discovered by traveling widely. This year it will be California. Last year it was South Carolina. In August. In record heat.
After growing up in a Midwestern city that attracted many businesses and college students but nary a tourist, living in a place like this has been an experience. When your daily life is someone else’s vacation, you learn a lot. For example, I’ve learned when to visit the grocery store, which streets and restaurants to avoid and, most importantly, how to dress like a local. The last skill has netted me requests for directions in several neighboring states, Philadelphia, Boston, and Madrid. It may not be handy if you don’t know your way around the town you’re visiting, but it can help you avoid getting scammed by people who take advantage of clueless travelers, and it can net you better service in restaurants, bars, and grocery stores.
Giving the appearance that you’re at home isn’t that difficult. The number one rule is: Avoid wearing fanny packs. Locals and attentive tourists alike have beheld the horrors of such adornments in large concentrations, and so they do not use them. This is not to say that fanny packs don’t have their perks; if your butt is too flat, for example, they provide the illusion of bulk. Since I’ll never have that problem, I eschew them altogether. Rule number two: Be nice to wait staff and other service people. Also, drive like you have at least a passing familiarity with traffic laws. Walk with confidence, even if you don’t know where you’re going, and learn to look but not gawk. And finally, for the love of God, do not take video footage of buildings, mountains, trees, or other unmoving objects.
See? It’s not too tough. For bonus points, don’t use a local’s garden hose to wash your car without their permission. They don’t like that sort of thing.
We know when it’s summer, when our sidewalks are overcrowded with tourists who suddenly stop while walking and gawk up at the tall buildings.
What I love most is watching the tourist navigate the streets, building and people just to take a picture of the Today Show that they see on TV.
Erin, I can totally see that. Here if you drive like that, it marks you as a foreigner. Okay, well, I admit that I drive like that sometimes, too, when I’m sick of being stuck behind minivans and SUVs going ten miles per hour under the speed limit and I have to get somewhere. But that’s why I’m careful about which routes I take.
Surprisingly, Stacy, they don’t. Strange, isn’t it? 😉
That’s the thing, Alyson — I’m glad they’re out having fun, and they definitely help support our economy; I just don’t want to have to deal with them in large numbers when I don’t have to.
Pam, that is hilarious! I can just picture it, too.
Dru, I hate it when people stop in the middle of the sidewalk (or road) and just stare! Not only does it slow everyone else down, but it can be dangerous. Oh, and the Today Show thing is hilarious.
I had to leave a comment. A fanny pack… Oh my… In Australia,the female anatomy is called a fanny…. lol… we call them bum bags over here. But I don’t wear one either.
Very interesting.
Suz:)
I still don’t understand why this even has to be said. But thank you for saying it because many people are still very guilty of these charges. If you don’t normally wear a fanny pack, why is it suddenly ok on vacation?
I’m terrified that whenever we go on vacation that not only do we look like tourists, but vulnerable. However, I made a point to be polite and try not to stand out. *G* And as for visiting SC in August in record heat? I live in SC, EVERY August is record heat. *G*
Suz, that is priceless! And now that you mention it, I think I *have* heard that before! Now I’ll probably get people trying to find porn and ending up on my site instead. Won’t they be disappointed!
Elephants, I know what you mean. It should be obvious. But, alas, it seems not to be. There are some people who seem to leave their brains at home when they go on vacation. I think this post was more venting than actual instruction, since I know the people who would actually read it are probably too smart to do such things unknowingly.
Bookmom, you’re probably doing a better job of fitting in than you think, in that case. And South Carolina? My sympathies are with you — at least in the summer. It was HOT when we were there last year!
I live in Savannah, Georgia and I love what you have written because this city constantly faces the necessary evil of tourists. Haha…actually, they are normally wonderful people, just clueless…at least this is assumed from the way they wander around with their gaze upward and their person dressed in khaki shorts and off color fanny packs.
And I especially agree with your words about walking. I figure if you walk like you own it, people will not mess with you. It definitely worked for me during my time in downtown NYC last summer!
I’d just like to say that I have never heard QUITE such a good term as ‘clots of vacationers’. That’s great, and aptly descriptive. Tonight, I went to the market, and there was just such a clot at the deli, where I had been hoping to get some cold cuts to make panini(s?) at home. However, as there were about 50 ‘platelets’ in this clot, I decided to forgo the meat, and do something else. 🙁 I am DONE with tourist towns, I tell you. DONE.
LMAO. Oh, this was too funny. Memories of childhood. I grew up with Disneyland as my backyard. Talk about tourist city! You could always tell the locals from the visitors.
LOL, Caryn. I’m happy to say I no longer own even one fanny pack :).