Oh, dear. You’ve really done it, haven’t you? You just fell prey to one of consumerism’s biggest myths — the resealable bag — and now you’re staring at your new purchase, wondering how to get the thing open. What was it? Cheese? Cereal? Doggie treats? Come on, you can confide in me.
Well, no matter what it was, let me tell you a little secret. You are not alone. Those so-called easy-open/easy-close bags? Yeah. They aren’t. And the directions? Ignore them; they encompass only a fraction of the steps you’ll have to take in order to use your product. But I’ll tell you what. I like you, I really do. And so I’ll give you a hand. I’ve been duped, too, after all. I understand. And so, for your tutelage, I will provide sample package directions, followed by the actual steps for opening, and then closing, such bags. Advanced users may wish to skip to steps seven and ten, respectively. Oh, and one more thing, from me to you: next time don’t believe the hype. Okay? No more buying products just because of the package’s ingenious engineering.
What the directions say:
1. To open bag, tear along dotted line.
What the directions mean:
1. Search in vain for mythological pre-torn notch said to enhance tearing power.
2. Give up. Use force in attempt to create notch.
3. Bandage bleeding finger.
4. Attempt to break into bag with teeth.
5. Make appointment with dentist to have chipped tooth repaired.
6. Study bag, looking once more for notorious notch or tear strip. NOTE: The red dashed line along the top is not a clue. It is only there to taunt you.
7. Use scissors.
8. Pull bag open.
9. Perform victory dance.
What the directions say:
1. To seal bag, press closed.
What the directions mean:
1. Clear seal strip of any obstructions, such as product residue, fingers, and air.
2. Line up both sides of strip.
3. Press strip closed.
4. Tug package opening gently to ensure that seal worked.
5. Repeat steps 1-4
6. Vow not to let a simple plastic bag defeat you.
7. Line up both sides of strip.
8. In surge of pragmatism (or is it despair?) press along just two inches of strip, so you haven’t wasted energy when seal continues not to function.
9. Test to ensure seal.*
10. Give up and tape, staple, or clothespin the @&*% thing closed.
*In the unlikely event that the seal works on the smaller section, continue as follows: Finish pressing along strip. Test seal. Realize you forgot to squeeze out all the air. Attempt to open only a small section of strip. Fail. Pick up spilled cheese, cereal, dog treats, etc. Discard. Squeeze air out of bag and begin again from step one above. Repeat as necessary until bag is sealed. NOTE: You may wish to simply skip to step ten.
For me it was Fruit Loops, wait no… it was the bagged cheaper version of fruit loops. Which for some reason had the zip seal thing only across half of the bag, and I liked to eat ’em dry as snacks, and I couldn’t even fit my hand in the little space…. Not that it mattered much because most times when I would open it I’d end up ripping past the end of the zip part, and then it didn’t even matter if you could get the seal closed again, ‘cuz the other half of the bag was torn open old school style anyway. Sigh… See now, you got me all riled up thinking about it… riled up and kinda jonesing for some fruit loops….
Yes Yes Malt-O-Meal! In my anti-resealable bag frenzy to leave a comment, I hadn’t bothered to check the links, but clearly you know the type of bag I’m talking about…..
I always jump right to the scissors step in opening and frequently discard the original bag after dumping the contents into a more functional Ziploc bag. Saves the frustration.
My frustration comes from the others in my household who, after mangling bag in their frustration, stuff it wherever not properly sealed…resulting in dried out cheese, tortillas…you name it.
Luckily the dog treats don’t really require “resealing”.
Yeah, Khaki, I’ve had that exact same problem with Malt-o-Meal which is why I HAD to link to them. I also hate when the bag rips wide open, spilling the contents and rendering the bag useless.
J.L., I usually do that, too. When I can find the scissors. (We have maybe eight pairs between the kitchen and the family room, but can I ever find a pair when I need them? Nope.) And I feel your pain on the open bags. Of course, I know I’ve left a bag or two open before, usually because I thought it was closed and learned otherwise when it was way too late.
Who said “Going Green” was easy? 😉
LMAO. I go straight for the scissors to open and binder clips to seal. In the event that I think I’m stronger, then I’m suffering right there with you.
I love your “how to” posts – crack me up every time
LOL, Larramie! Very true. And, yes, there are worse things than having to deal with a supposedly easy-to-close bag.
Dru, we have a whole bag full of clothespins in a kitchen cupboard, and they are regularly put to use for those stupid bags.
Thanks, Liz. I’ll have to remember that next time I’m trying to decide what to write about.
oh it is so true!! and how many times have i busted open the bag while trying to open it, and somehow all of its contents exploded onto the floor? oh dear.
For some reason I don’t have too many problems with these bags, but Daughter, oh man she can’t open them or close them. Meaning we end up with alot of hard, stale, but at least it’s crunchy cereal. *g*