This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 7:01 pm and is filed under If I Were the Queen, Let's Get Personal, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
When I was six, I thought grownuppery would happen at nine. At nine, I thought thirteen was the age of adulthood. At thirteen, I knew I was at the pinnacle of wisdom and maturity – if only my teachers and parents would acknowledge that I was their equal. Once I got over that assumption, I always aimed a few years ahead for the exact moment when I would become an adult, or at least behave like one. Now, at 33 and expecting a baby of my own, I pretty much feel like a kid most of the time. Except for one thing: I now read the directions that come with my toys. Which is how I found the following misdirections this morning in the packaging for my camera’s battery charger. This multi-folded bit of paper assures me that I am not yet an adult – after all, adults should be able to process even complex directions such as this:
When the charging is complete, the LED light will turn orange. As(sic) this point, the battery can be removed for use. It is recommended, however, that you leave the battery connected to the charger for another 30 minutes to ensure a full, or “topped off”, charge. It is best to remove the battery after charging but it is ok to leave the batery(sic) in the charger for a short time because the micro processor controller will reduce voltage loss.
Um, wha–? Take the “batery” out when? After the light turns orange, or a half hour after that, or after it’s finished charging, which is when, exactly? And if it’s supposed to come out a while after the light turns orange and there’s no buzzer or beep or bloop to tell me when that happens, how do I know? Do I time it? Do I watch the battery charge? That’s guaranteed to be a fun time.
And that is why I read the directions: They make me feel young. And they amuse me severely.
October 14th, 2009 at 8:45 am
I think the LED light needs multiple color codes. Orange for those who prefer the quickest possible charge. Yellow for the extra-cautious who need the extra half hour. Flashing purple for those who flip on the TV and forget all about the battery.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
I expect to feel like a grown up when I start getting senior discounts on things. I think that’s the point when you need to be very serious about life. Mostly because you’ve only got a couple decades left at that point, so there’s little choice in the matter.
October 14th, 2009 at 9:09 am
You’re fine. I understand that newborns come with *tons* of directions and instruction manuals. And buzzers. Lots and lots of buzzers.
October 14th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
I love ‘instructions’ like this.
Almost better than playing with a new gadget itself!
October 14th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
I agree with Pamela. This is practice for the new arrival–great for expecting the unexpected and always being surprised–and who needs batteries?!
October 14th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I once bought an espresso machine. The instructions were so complicated, and I was so determined to follow them, that I don’t think I ever made a decent cup of coffee. I ended up giving the machine to a friend. One who steadfastly refuses to directions.
October 14th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
That’s why I like instructions with pictures.
October 14th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
LOL, Stacy! I agree. It would certainly help. As for behaving like an adult in your senior years, I always thought it would be a nice time to lighten up, take advantage of that last time. Oh, and thanks for the pregnancy congrats! We’re pretty excited.
@Pam – Don’t I wish! I still can’t believe they’ll actually let me take a newborn home from the hospital, even if she’s technically ours. I just don’t feel like I know enough. Though I do admit I have a few books on the subject, and I plan to consult my mommy friends (and my own mommy, of course) on a regular basis.
@Kit Courtney – I agree! A good set of instructions can outlast whatever was packed with them to begin with. We have a few attached to our fridge with magnets, and they’ll probably be there forever.
@Conda – Good point! So, really, by not reading the directions to my toys and just letting them surprise me, I’m getting good practice in. I’ll have to keep that in mind.
@Barry – That’s crazy! I think I would have taken the whole thing back to the store and gotten my money back. There’s no excuse for that, seriously.
@Dru – True! They definitely help. Though sometimes they just add to the humor.
October 14th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
A watched batery never boils, Caryn. It’s a good thing it has a ‘micro processor controller’ to save itself from ignorance such as yours. Heh heh.
October 15th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
And this is why, when I finally bought a digital camera, I got the one with the throw-away batteries. There is something more than vaguely dangerous about any process–instructions or no–that involves “voltage.”
October 17th, 2009 at 11:53 am
LOL! Just wait till you have to start opening toys like barbies or certain types of lego. You’ll be undoing all those twisty ties till your hands cramp up and you’ll be dreaming of the day when your biggest worry was when to stop charging the camera’s battery.
October 18th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
@Katie – And that assumes that boiling is, of course, your purpose. Which it could be. If you’re a ten-year-old boy.
@Marilyn – I’ve thought about that. If only they didn’t eat through batteries faster than I could replace them. Methinks I just take too many pictures.
@Natalie – Good point! I remember trying to wrestle with those when I was a kid. After a few minutes, I’d always find some adult to hand them over to – usually a parent. Soon I’ll be that adult. Scary thought. Better hone my toy-opening skills now.
October 18th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I never read instructions. If it fails then I’m doing something wrong. I usually fix it by trying everything I know. As for instructions there too complicated. lol.
Suzanne
October 18th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
The secret is that NO ONE is a grownup! Those who say they’re grown up are actually lying.
October 25th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
have you ever gotten those directions with pictures only? no actual written directions. i got those once–for a piece of furniture. that had like 25 parts. all pictures. i ended up returning the damn thing.
November 28th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
So funny. Anything with written instructions goes immediately to my husband. Very useful, he is — with his degree in mechanical engineering!