This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 at 10:32 am and is filed under Let's Get Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I’m seeing a new dentist. I suppose that makes it sound like we’re dating, but it’s actually more serious than that – This guy, after all, has greater responsibilities than selecting a restaurant and picking up the check.[1] In short, his duty is to make sure I keep my teeth as long as possible.[2]
Until last Monday it had been, oh, a while since I last seated myself in a pleather dental chair. But just over a week ago I took a loaded clipboard and a cheap black pen from a friendly receptionist, plopped down in an empty waiting room, and began to fill in approximately three thousand blanks while waiting for my name to be called. Turns out the paperwork required for a professional floss job is more invasive than a dating service questionnaire. They requested info on everything but my astrological sign[3] and whether or not I want children someday[4]. Even my marital status and social security number were up for discussion.
Of course, it would have gone a lot faster if a) they’d shown a little restraint in the inquisition department, b) I wrote as speedily – and as legibly – as I type, c) I could have stilled the jittery knee on which I’d balanced the clipboard and d) my own list of dental-related questions would have shut up as requested. How often do you have to floss in order to say you do it regularly? I found myself wondering. Is monthly enough? Will weekly work? And What are the moral implications of lying to my dentist about the last time I had my teeth professionally cleaned? Do you go to hell for that, or is it an understandable white lie? Do all your teeth fall out in retribution? And, finally, the tiny, niggling little If I lie, will they find out and dump me?
Still wondering if I’d gotten all the answers right, I handed the clipboard back and then dug through my bag for Meg Cabot’s latest, Being Nikki – a fun, but not particularly deep or intricate sequel that’s perfect for waiting room reading. And then they called my name. Swallowing hard, I gathered my stuff and followed the hygienist into the back.
With all the nervousness and questions, it’s no wonder the visit itself was pleasantly anticlimactic: Two hours of scraping and polishing and rinsing and digging and, yes, pain. Most importantly, though: No cavities. My teeth felt loose and puffy afterward, and encased by the same tingling ache I always experienced for days after I skipped my eighth grade history class to have my braces tightened.
I wrapped up the appointment by solemnly swearing to become better acquainted with dental floss, then gathered my stuff and beat it to the receptionist’s desk, where I set up my next appointment. Six months and counting.
Turned out I wasn’t done, though. As I swished through the waiting room and toward the door, still running my tongue over my newly sparkling teeth, one of the hygienists called me back to personally tell me goodbye and invite me to return, saying that I was fun and a pleasure to work with. I felt absurdly pleased, like a kid who wins high marks for cooperation on her third grade report card.[5] Though I can’t say I enjoyed the visit myself, I can’t complain – I do still have all my teeth, after all, and that is the goal.
June 17th, 2009 at 11:27 am
My dentist is my x-boyfriend…and the only really awkward part is trying to delicately explain how I know Dr. Mac to his assistants. “We used to make-out” does not seem entirely appropriate…
xox
June 17th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
i loathe the dentist. i don’t mind having the work done, it’s the money i inevitably have to pay out of pocket to get the work done that bugs me.
June 17th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
I hate going to the dentist.. Glad to here you’re clear of cavities.
June 17th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
LOL, Heidi! I have a few of those running around, too. It’s always difficult to explain. You must have had an amicable breakup if you’re still using his dental expertise.
@ Miss Chevious – Actually, a big reason I started going again was because our insurance now covers cleanings. Of course, it doesn’t totally cover any repairs that need to be done, and it does absolutely nothing for the night guard I now need!
@Keri – Thanks, Keri. Me too.
June 18th, 2009 at 10:59 am
No cavities? That’s luck and good genes-thank your parents for that one. I know because I got all of my parents’ bad dental problems. I was dentally cursed from the womb!
Glad you and the dentist hit it off and have a second date!
June 18th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
TEN years without a dental visit for me, and no cavities. Congrats, Caryn!
June 19th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Heidi–ha!!! Loved that
.
Caryn–glad you survived the clean and polish and escaped the chair without a single cavity. You’re amazing! The hygienist should’ve given you a prize. Two, for being fun!!
June 19th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
@Pamela – Well, and I brush all the time, too. Twice a day, plus often more. But that by itself doesn’t explain it! Sorry to hear that you’re dentally cursed. Sounds painful and expensive! I bet you just LOVE trips to the dentist, don’t you?
@Katie – Hey, you beat me! Congrats on being cavity free, too. It’s all that chocolate you hate to eat.
@Marilyn – Thanks! I was really worried since it had been ages.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
It’s been…umm…a while for me too. I have an appointment next week. I’m nervous…
June 19th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Ugh. I have the worst teeth. I’m there all the time. When I walk into my dentist I’m like Norm from Cheers.
Lately, I’ve been pretty good, though. (Of course now that I’ve said this I’ll have a double root canal next visit) LOL
June 20th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Hahaha! Love the mental questions. I do that a lot of places, but so far? Not the dentist. I have fortunately been blessed with my mom’s perfect teeth, and my dad’s complete fearlessness and painlessness not matter what happens in the chair. I don’t mind the dentist. I will tell you though, that I’ve heard on the mouth guard if it is something like preventing grinding and not re-shaping your mouth? You are just fine to go get the cheapo ones at Target and they work perfect. No need for a specialty/fitted one. Also? I’ve discovered since I actually started flossing daily? That if I forget for a few days for some reason, dragon breath kicks in. Who knew that flossing made that big of a difference?
June 20th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Ah, floss guilt! I know it well.
June 20th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
And I’m looking for a new dentist….
June 21st, 2009 at 9:56 am
@Wil – I know how you feel! Hope it goes well for you.
@Jennifer – Sounds like you’ve had some awful luck. That’s terrible!
@Mizzz K – Thanks for the advice on the night guard – and the hilarious comment on the flossing. Guess what I did last night? Yup. I flossed. I really do need to make it a habit, and your point about bad breath helped.
@Mam Zen – LOL! I can’t fall asleep at night unless I’ve brushed my teeth, but flossing? I have to force myself. Wish I could feel the same way about flossing as I do about brushing.
@Barrie – If you lived closer, I’d recommend mine! My last experience (before this one) was awful, which was one reason why I hadn’t been back in forever. I have a new one now, though, and am much happier. Wishing you the same luck.
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 am
I always hate having my teeth cleaned, but love the results. Always feel like you, too, like I’m back in school and it’s a test, a final. Great that you have a “clean” bill of teeth, Caryn.
June 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
The dentist is not my favorite place to visit. I religiously go every six months and I swear it’s the fastest six months ever. Loved your story, Caryn! And yay on the good check-up you fun person you!
June 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 am
Yay, congrats on the clean teeth.
I like going to the dentist, and how nice was it that the lady gave you a compliment? 
June 22nd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
My teeth suddenly feel like they’re wearing little sweaters. I’m oddly jealous of your cleaning.
June 23rd, 2009 at 6:02 am
I love my dentist! He was in the same fraternity as my dad so my whole family has been going to him since I was a kid and now I’ve got my husband on board too
Which reminds me, I need to set up an appointment this summer!
June 23rd, 2009 at 2:39 pm
I just had my biannual visit to the dentist myself–no cavities! Hooray!
But I totally agree–it’s a weird feeling at the dentist (and after).
June 23rd, 2009 at 5:51 pm
@Conda – LOL! Loved the pun. Bad puns always crack me up.
@Robin – Gee, why am I not surprised that you’re a regular dentist-goer? You’re so responsible.
@Jessica – You like the dentist? Wish I did! I envy your good attitude.
@Suzanne – I love that description! My teeth feel like that sometimes, too. Hate it!
@Alyssa – Yay! Congratulations!!
June 29th, 2009 at 9:47 am
I had waited 8 years between dental visits because I had such a horrible experience the previous time. My current dentist is a cool chick. We sort of bonded unexpectedly. She had gone through the whole trying-to-conceive process as me, so she was a wealth of information in that area. I can’t tell you how much that helped ease my fears.
June 29th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Hi Caryn,
So glad all is well with your pearly whites. My dentist should have been a stand-up comedian (perhaps more in his own mind). I guess he has to get used to the long periods of no-laughs because his fingers are in my mouth.
July 1st, 2009 at 11:29 am
Now you won’t have to lie for another 6 months! I am relieved I am not the only one stretching the truth on the frequency of flossing.
July 5th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Great post – I love that you were called back to say good bye and come again….
July 9th, 2009 at 12:08 am
I absolutely love your footnotes! Too funny!
July 12th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Hi Caryn,
I’ve got something for you pick up over at my blog. =)
http://bambireads.blogspot.com/2009/07/humane-award.html