Posts made in November, 2010

Table for One

Posted by on Nov 30, 2010 in If I Were the Queen, Let's Get Personal, Writing & Reading | 16 comments

“Just…one?” The hostess eyes me, a long sweeping look, as if trying to figure out what’s wrong with me that I have to eat out alone.

I used to answer, “Yep!” with a smile, all peppy and bright and for God’s sake don’t look at me like that, I have lots of friends, I’m fine, I’m great. Or I’d hold up my notebook or stack of papers, maybe even a pen, and explain self-consciously, “I have stuff to get done. Had to get out of the house. You know how it is.” All the while, I would cringe at my urge to lower my eyes, to explain, to make jolly and nice.

Over the last year, though, I have decided that it is Not Their Business if I decide to take myself out to lunch. Not the hostess who tacks on “just” and a judgmental pause before the “one”. Not the waiter who snootily asks me if I’ll need another water glass and menu, or if it’s just (there’s that word again, as if I’m not enough) me. Not the couple in the corner, who eyed me and whispered when I took my booth alone.

It may be immunity born of necessity – the more there is to do at home, the stronger my need to go elsewhere in order to be loose and creative and writerly. Or perhaps this confidence comes from motherhood. When you’ve had too little sleep, and you’ve changed and laundered hundreds of diapers, and you’ve contorted your face into this many silly poses just to make an infant laugh, well, eating alone isn’t such a big deal. Or it could be the realization that it’s just food. It’s eating. You do it three times a day, and often alone in your kitchen or dining room or in front of your TV or at your desk at work. A restaurant is just another place to do it. No different from going to the library or the bank alone, only, you know, with food.

Mostly, though, there’s the comfort of my writing. It is so nice to work on it again, and if it means I have to put up with an occasional smirk or up-and-down glance in order to enjoy a little quality time with a notebook and a bowl of pasta, well, so be it. I’m not alone, anyway. I have my imagination and the characters I’ve created. Together we make a whole crowd.

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Staying Ahead of Sunshine

Posted by on Nov 3, 2010 in Parenthood | 27 comments

I can easily spend an hour each day sprawled out on the floor, nose to carpet, examining the pile for lint, leaf bits, and the random fluff that floats around any cat-cluttered house no matter how many times you vacuum. Just step over me. I’ll be there for a while, putting all those specks in my pocket, trying to get to them before Sunshine (formerly The Schnooks) does. At nine months old she’s a crack-up, a mooch, and the household’s chief fleck inspector. She’s also mobile and voracious; I feel like I’m on suicide watch, anticipating the next item she’ll grip in her tiny fist and shove into her mouth.

It doesn’t help that our vacuum bit the dust, so to speak, and now spits out more specks than it sucks up. And I guess I don’t think like a baby, since I’m almost never right about what Sunshine will eat, especially when we’re outside or visiting someone. Or maybe my vision is just off, and I simply can’t see what she sees.

Even at home it’s impossible to always stay ahead, though it’s easier when she inadvertently warns me. She goes still and stares at something, then wiggles her ample booty, wrinkles her nose, and lets out her happy Beavis “heh heh heh”. A moment later she’s off, scooting across the room in adapted military fashion, forearm, hand, toe, toe. At times like those, I swoop in, examining her path for any chokeables or other hazards.

When she quiets, though, her mouth pursed closed, her little jaw working, I know I’ve missed something and am about to fight a baby who’s determined to chew, chew, swallow anything small enough to fit between her teeth. All four of them. Sometimes she wins, downing it before I get to her. If not, I squeeze her cheeks, fish-lipping her, and examine the piece. Let her swallow it? Scoop it out? Depends on if it’s worth the struggle.

Staying ahead of Sunshine is never easy. Still, the scooting’s cute. It may even be worth the constant vigilance.

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