I’m seeing a new dentist. I suppose that makes it sound like we’re dating, but it’s actually more serious than that – This guy, after all, has greater responsibilities than selecting a restaurant and picking up the check. ((Do men even do that anymore?)) In short, his duty is to make sure I keep my teeth as long as possible. ((Bonus points for accomplishing the goal with a minimum of pain.))
Until last Monday it had been, oh, a while since I last seated myself in a pleather dental chair. But just over a week ago I took a loaded clipboard and a cheap black pen from a friendly receptionist, plopped down in an empty waiting room, and began to fill in approximately three thousand blanks while waiting for my name to be called. Turns out the paperwork required for a professional floss job is more invasive than a dating service questionnaire. They requested info on everything but my astrological sign ((Gemini)) and whether or not I want children someday ((Yes)). Even my marital status and social security number were up for discussion.
Of course, it would have gone a lot faster if a) they’d shown a little restraint in the inquisition department, b) I wrote as speedily – and as legibly – as I type, c) I could have stilled the jittery knee on which I’d balanced the clipboard and d) my own list of dental-related questions would have shut up as requested. How often do you have to floss in order to say you do it regularly? I found myself wondering. Is monthly enough? Will weekly work? And What are the moral implications of lying to my dentist about the last time I had my teeth professionally cleaned? Do you go to hell for that, or is it an understandable white lie? Do all your teeth fall out in retribution? And, finally, the tiny, niggling little If I lie, will they find out and dump me?
Still wondering if I’d gotten all the answers right, I handed the clipboard back and then dug through my bag for my latest read – a fun, but not particularly deep or intricate book that’s perfect for a waiting room. And then they called my name. Swallowing hard, I gathered my stuff and followed the hygienist into the back.
With all the nervousness and questions, it’s no wonder the visit itself was pleasantly anticlimactic: Two hours of scraping and polishing and rinsing and digging and, yes, pain. Most importantly, though: No cavities. My teeth felt loose and puffy afterward, and encased by the same tingling ache I always experienced for days after I skipped my eighth grade history class to have my braces tightened.
I wrapped up the appointment by solemnly swearing to become better acquainted with dental floss, then gathered my stuff and beat it to the receptionist’s desk, where I set up my next appointment. Six months and counting.
Turned out I wasn’t done, though. As I swished through the waiting room and toward the door, still running my tongue over my newly sparkling teeth, one of the hygienists called me back to personally tell me goodbye and invite me to return, saying that I was fun and a pleasure to work with. I felt absurdly pleased, like a kid who wins high marks for cooperation on her third grade report card. ((True story.)) Though I can’t say I enjoyed the visit myself, I can’t complain – I do still have all my teeth, after all, and that is the goal.
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About Me
I am the stay-at-home mother to a toddler nicknamed Sunshine. During nap times I write books, blog, and play around with the photos I've taken. I live in the southwestern U.S. with my husband, daughter, and two cats. My books are represented by Erzsi Deàk of Hen & Ink Literary Studio.
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My dentist is my x-boyfriend…and the only really awkward part is trying to delicately explain how I know Dr. Mac to his assistants. “We used to make-out” does not seem entirely appropriate…
xox
i loathe the dentist. i don’t mind having the work done, it’s the money i inevitably have to pay out of pocket to get the work done that bugs me.
I hate going to the dentist.. Glad to here you’re clear of cavities.
LOL, Heidi! I have a few of those running around, too. It’s always difficult to explain. You must have had an amicable breakup if you’re still using his dental expertise.
@ Miss Chevious – Actually, a big reason I started going again was because our insurance now covers cleanings. Of course, it doesn’t totally cover any repairs that need to be done, and it does absolutely nothing for the night guard I now need!
@Keri – Thanks, Keri. Me too.
No cavities? That’s luck and good genes-thank your parents for that one. I know because I got all of my parents’ bad dental problems. I was dentally cursed from the womb!
Glad you and the dentist hit it off and have a second date!
TEN years without a dental visit for me, and no cavities. Congrats, Caryn!
Heidi–ha!!! Loved that
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Caryn–glad you survived the clean and polish and escaped the chair without a single cavity. You’re amazing! The hygienist should’ve given you a prize. Two, for being fun!!
@Pamela – Well, and I brush all the time, too. Twice a day, plus often more. But that by itself doesn’t explain it! Sorry to hear that you’re dentally cursed. Sounds painful and expensive! I bet you just LOVE trips to the dentist, don’t you?
@Katie – Hey, you beat me! Congrats on being cavity free, too. It’s all that chocolate you hate to eat.
@Marilyn – Thanks! I was really worried since it had been ages.
It’s been…umm…a while for me too. I have an appointment next week. I’m nervous…
Ugh. I have the worst teeth. I’m there all the time. When I walk into my dentist I’m like Norm from Cheers.
Lately, I’ve been pretty good, though. (Of course now that I’ve said this I’ll have a double root canal next visit) LOL
Hahaha! Love the mental questions. I do that a lot of places, but so far? Not the dentist. I have fortunately been blessed with my mom’s perfect teeth, and my dad’s complete fearlessness and painlessness not matter what happens in the chair. I don’t mind the dentist. I will tell you though, that I’ve heard on the mouth guard if it is something like preventing grinding and not re-shaping your mouth? You are just fine to go get the cheapo ones at Target and they work perfect. No need for a specialty/fitted one. Also? I’ve discovered since I actually started flossing daily? That if I forget for a few days for some reason, dragon breath kicks in. Who knew that flossing made that big of a difference?
Ah, floss guilt! I know it well.
And I’m looking for a new dentist….
@Wil – I know how you feel! Hope it goes well for you.
@Jennifer – Sounds like you’ve had some awful luck. That’s terrible!
@Mizzz K – Thanks for the advice on the night guard – and the hilarious comment on the flossing. Guess what I did last night? Yup. I flossed. I really do need to make it a habit, and your point about bad breath helped.
@Mam Zen – LOL! I can’t fall asleep at night unless I’ve brushed my teeth, but flossing? I have to force myself. Wish I could feel the same way about flossing as I do about brushing.
@Barrie – If you lived closer, I’d recommend mine! My last experience (before this one) was awful, which was one reason why I hadn’t been back in forever. I have a new one now, though, and am much happier. Wishing you the same luck.
I always hate having my teeth cleaned, but love the results. Always feel like you, too, like I’m back in school and it’s a test, a final. Great that you have a “clean” bill of teeth, Caryn.
The dentist is not my favorite place to visit. I religiously go every six months and I swear it’s the fastest six months ever. Loved your story, Caryn! And yay on the good check-up you fun person you!
Yay, congrats on the clean teeth.
I like going to the dentist, and how nice was it that the lady gave you a compliment? 
My teeth suddenly feel like they’re wearing little sweaters. I’m oddly jealous of your cleaning.
I love my dentist! He was in the same fraternity as my dad so my whole family has been going to him since I was a kid and now I’ve got my husband on board too
Which reminds me, I need to set up an appointment this summer!
I just had my biannual visit to the dentist myself–no cavities! Hooray!
But I totally agree–it’s a weird feeling at the dentist (and after).
@Conda – LOL! Loved the pun. Bad puns always crack me up.
@Robin – Gee, why am I not surprised that you’re a regular dentist-goer? You’re so responsible.
@Jessica – You like the dentist? Wish I did! I envy your good attitude.
@Suzanne – I love that description! My teeth feel like that sometimes, too. Hate it!
@Alyssa – Yay! Congratulations!!
I had waited 8 years between dental visits because I had such a horrible experience the previous time. My current dentist is a cool chick. We sort of bonded unexpectedly. She had gone through the whole trying-to-conceive process as me, so she was a wealth of information in that area. I can’t tell you how much that helped ease my fears.
Hi Caryn,
So glad all is well with your pearly whites. My dentist should have been a stand-up comedian (perhaps more in his own mind). I guess he has to get used to the long periods of no-laughs because his fingers are in my mouth.
Now you won’t have to lie for another 6 months! I am relieved I am not the only one stretching the truth on the frequency of flossing.
Great post – I love that you were called back to say good bye and come again….
I absolutely love your footnotes! Too funny!
Hi Caryn,
I’ve got something for you pick up over at my blog. =)
http://bambireads.blogspot.com/2009/07/humane-award.html