A Warning
Dear Spring:
We would like to thank you for your continued years of faithful service. Your performance has been unfailingly cheerful and, at the risk of sounding politically incorrect, your grooming beautifies the place.
However, it has come to our attention that your lack of consistency has caused a number of problems, especially in the areas of production and public relations. This has resulted in considerable delays in crops, such as those illustrated below, as well as dropping customer approval ratings. As a result, the board has determined that you shall be subjected to a probationary period, which will last no less than one half decade and no longer than one century. This is effective immediately. This has been a difficult decision, made with heavy hearts, but in the end we must ensure that all seasons, fronts and spells we oversee best represent the Weather Oversight Board, as well as the weather in general.
In order to receive full reinstatement of your powers, you must agree to and meet with the following requirements:
1) March shall no longer “come in like a lion”. It shall be a lamb throughout. Leonine behavior is merely an excuse for spotty service, and shall no longer be tolerated.
2) Once the flowers arrive, you do, too. This means no more frost, and most certainly no more snow. You may exercise your powers to the point of providing brisk breezes and occasional hail; more extreme weather is limited to those who control winter and, in some cases, late autumn. If you wish, you may request a transfer to either of these departments.
3) Blatant favoritism shall be considered inappropriate and grounds for immediate dismissal. This refers specifically to your habit of providing certain areas of the country with balmy, late-spring weather while other parts are mired in temperatures befitting mid-January.
As you are aware, we encourage communication between members of the Weather Oversight Board and those seasons, fronts, and spells we oversee. For this reason, if you have any questions during or after this probationary period, we encourage you to contact us.
Once again, we would like to thank you for your continued service.
Sincerely,
Jack M. Frost
President, Weather Oversight Board
I am the stay-at-home mother to a toddler nicknamed 
Oh Caryn, you made me crack up like crazy! HAH! I love it! Oh gosh, this is fantastic.
I sure hope Spring shapes up this year!
Amen, sister. AMEN! The appearance of SNOW yesterday again is somehow wrong, as is the image of plum blossoms with a frosting (literally) of ice crystals above. None of my plants died, or even wilted, but I, personally, died a little inside.
@Spyscribbler – Oh, I hope so, too! I was so excited about the flowers, and then it <i>snowed</i> yesterday. Added to the time change, it’s just insulting. If it’s still winter, I should at least get my hour back.
@Katie – You know, the hail coupled with thunder and lightning was pretty cool. But the snow afterward? No way! So glad your plants survived, even if you took a beating.
In like a lion is right. Ugh. Snow today! Snow! I hate snow! I hope that spring listens to you.
lol! This is great Caryn. I’m starting to think that Spring just doesn’t come up here. It’s March and my garden is still under two to three foot of snow
At least it can’t last forever (I’ll just keep repeating that until I believe it).
Take away their government funding! No more bailout for Spring!!!
@Courtney – Oh, me too! I hope your snow doesn’t last.
@Griffin – Wow! You must live in a pretty cold place. Here’s hoping it warms up soon.
@Pam – You crack me up!
Caryn, you’re hilarious! (Best letter I’ve read this season.
I’ve had it up to HERE (*reaches well above head*) with this Blatant Favoritism! When does Chicago get it’s day in the sun? When does the Midwest get to go first in line? (*shaking head sadly*) This has to stop, Spring. And Jack’s the one who’s gonna stop you…
That cheeky Spring!
Oh, while it’s about 40 today, it’s supposed to drop to -3 (!!!!!) tonight. What is up with THAT?
OMG, I love this! Hilarious!!
Lots of giggles… great post and super image!
Love it!!
@Marilyn – No kidding! It’s not fair, is it? Now if only I could figure out who I should actually send it to and get results…
@Writtenwyrdd – LOL! The nerve of spring! And what’s with your weather? Totally harsh!
@Alyson, CathM and Keri – Thanks! I had fun with it.
Hear hear, Caryn. I am reading this post in the middle of a huge blizzard! I have flower buds, little green leaves and crocuses encased in ice.
Double ditto on #2. It snowed here in Whitefish, Montana today. It’s MARCH for crying out loud. Spring deserves its slap on the wrist. Maybe we should hire summer to do some overtime?
We got a little tease with spring this past weekend and I want it back!
Terrific post, Caryn! You’ve such a way with words.
Great post!! Thanks for the laugh
You tell ‘em! Today, it will be 80. Tomorrow, the forecasted high is 40. And, snow the day after that!
@Mari – See? That is so unfair. Once the flowers come out, it’s officially warm weather time.
@Susan – Ooh, good idea! We can pay for it by docking spring’s salary due to shoddy service.
@Dru – We had that, too! Now I’m back to wearing sweaters and coats. My toes were so happy in sandals; they don’t want thick socks and sturdy shoes.
@Robin & Katie – Thanks! I had fun with it.
@Mama Zen – This is definitely unacceptable behavior on spring’s part. Maybe it’s just getting lazy, not keeping up with the quality control?
Noooooooooooo! I’ve been enjoying these last three days of 70 and 80 degree weather here in NC where Spring has sprung the flowers and my dogwood tree into bloom. Please? Can we have some more?
Yes, Caryn! Hilarious, loved it! Let’s hope the weather listens!
Ha! So funny. Now hopefully Mother Nature was paying attention to all that. =D
Hilarious! (Because it’s true) LOL!
@Marcia – Oh, that sounds WONDERFUL! I hope it lasts for you. Better yet, I hope you have a little extra and can figure out how to send it our way.
@Conda & Erin – I sure hope so. Only thing is, I wasn’t sure exactly how to send the letter. Any ideas???
@Jennifer – Yes, I’m sad to say that it’s true here, too…
I am sooooo signing this petition!
xox
I don’t want to be a snitch, but I don’t think Spring is listening. It’s a mere 9 days away, and Spring has made no effort thus far to begin its transition. I think it’s time to give another season a go…. maybe it’s time to promote “Indian Summer” to its own season; it would be quite refreshing after Winter, I think.
@Heidikins – Please do! Maybe it’ll work if we get a lot of signatures.
@Adam – Alas, I’ve noticed the same thing. And I LOVE The idea of promoting Indian Summer to a season. It’s one of my favorite times of year, though bittersweet because winter’s on the way.
LOVED THIS!! I had full intentions of gardening this weekend. But no such luck. Too cold and rainy.
Very funny! Ha! Although I can’t really relate from down here in So Cal. (Sorry had to say that!). However, I just got off the phone with my sister in Toronto who is planning a bike ride today before a cold snap hits on Thursday. She can relate to your wonderful letter.
Hahahahahahaha! I was out for Seattle’s big St. Pat’s Dash last Sunday. In the SNOW! Great big beautiful fluffy cold, windy, miserable snow. I should not still be having worse weather than my Iowa relatives. LOL. Seems this winte… I mean spring, I’m just out of luck. I’ll have to enjoy the pretty and dress warmer. Though in this area, I have to take a coat to the grocery store all summer, especially if I plan to get anywhere near the arctic freezer section.
Hear, hear!
My favorite part was, “Leonine behavior is merely an excuse for spotty service, and shall no longer be tolerated.”
hee hee hee.
Those terms sound quite reasonable to me.
@Erica – Here’s hoping you can get your garden in soon. Though I suppose the rain must be good for it.
@Barry – I admit I’m jealous of your weather, though having bad weather does, I suppose, make me appreciate the good weather. If we ever get good weather, that is!
@Kristi – Wow! It sounds like you live somewhere really cold. A coat in the summer?
@Alyssa & Stacy – Yay! Two more people who will gladly sign the petition?
Caryn, you’re a genius. That was such a witty post, and I admire the way you can write about the most mundane stuff (not Spring) and turn it into something so creative and worth reading.
xx,
Raven